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I
have a story to share with you about the possible
negative impacts of rewards. Looking towards a
balanced view. :)
Last November I was working in a nursery with a
young man of about 3 years who had trouble
getting to the toilet on time. He would wait
until the last minute and then wet himself.
I took him under my wing whilst other staff
discussed the possible issues but took no real
action.. Every two hours I would take him to the
toilet and he soon got used to thinking about
going to the toilet before he really, really
needed it. On the third day he had a completely
dry day and was even asking to go to the loo
himself. He was completely made up.
During our time together, over the three days I
talked to him about the problem and seeing cogs
turning asked him little by little what he
thought the problem was. This is a technique I
use myself by putting things on the back burner,
answers coming forth from the subconscious by
themeselves later.
On the third day, having gained his
understanding, empathy, trust and having
explained the technique to him, he enlightened us
both. The reason he had not been going to the
toilet was because Barney the Dinosaur said you
had to save water because it cost money and to
put the plug in when brushing your teeth.
The little lad had made quite a leap to
associating the idea with saving water and money
for his mum and dad (who he'd heard arguing about
money - though they appeared well off) by not
going to the toilet as often, indeed not at all.
Well now we could crack the problem. There was no
way I could have ever known about Barney and his
overheard conversation had I not gained his trust
and given him time to rediscover why he was
wetting himself.
Brilliant! I said. We were all smiles. I
explained that what he said was correct, water
did cost money and that there were some countrys
in the world where there wasnt even enough water
to drink. I explained that this is why we should
always think about how best to use what we have
so that everything can be shared around that bit
more. Simple stuff. I then went on to show that
it used far less water coming to the toilet than
his mum having to wash his clothes every night as
the washing machine works with a lot of water for
a long time. In fact not only would he save
water by going to the toilet but he would also
make his mum really happy. That was the clincher.
He was really, really pleased with himself and
his mum would be too. Great!
Later on his mum came and the other staff took
great pleasure in outlining their success to the
lad's mother. In fact they were so pleased with
him they gave him a stamp that said 'fantastic'
or 'brilliant' or something like that on his
hand.
I was in the next room and I felt the possibility
of all our hard work come tumbling to the ground
as the higher reason for going to the toilet -
pleasing himself and his mum was replaced by
going to get a stamp on his hand. Something
very, very temporary had suddenly taken over from
self-actualisation. Worse still was that the
little man's little brother then wanted a stamp
too as he always went to the toilet but was told
that only his brother could have it as because it
was his first day being dry. Of course he
couldn't understand this and tantrums erupted.
Meanwhile, our little man came over to me,
sneaking off amidst the chaos to where I was sat
nursing a baby across the room. 'Thanks, Steve'
he said with such feeling that I actually began
to cry and said 'No problem. Anytime pal.' We
both smiled and he trotted off back to his mum
and tantrumming brother.
Now all I had to do was keep the focus of why he
was going to the toilet in the first place on
making himself and his mum happy and wrest it
away from the 'fantastic' stamp which in this
case had a negative impact, not a positive one.
Even though he kept asking for the stamp I said
'but you've had it already and look it's gone.
You're not doing it for that anyway are you?
You're doing it because it makes your mum happy
and that makes you happy too?' He looked at his
hand where the tattoo had been and thinking to
himself wandered off. The look on his face showed
the dawning of understanding the true value of
doing things.
His brother was a little younger and harder to
convince of the virtue of doing things because it
was good and made people happy rather than for
'fantastic' tattoos. With a little moderation
and by actually giving him the tattoo one day for
outstanding behaviour he too began to see my
reasoning.
Rewards are something people need to be weened
off and if at all possible, not started with
anyway. The negative effects are sometimes very
hard to judge and left unabated can lead to the
rising of feelings towards others because of
something so temporary that we should not be
encouraging in young people.
There will always be arguments and grudges about
who deserves rewards and behaviour inspired only
by the want of a reward because of the existance
of rewards themselves.
Helping someone achieve happiness within
themselves and for others is something that
everyone is willing to share in and take pride
in. At the end of the day the children see that
any worthwhile act is reward within itself and
brings far more good feelings than anything as
temporary and evocative as a 'fantastic' tattoo.
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