I: Steven Cunio

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September, 2005 - Massive Update

David | Court | Michelle | Counselling | Guitar | Yoga | Happy as Larry | Car

First of all I best explain why there has been no proper updates recently. I've done simple things to the site like add links to useful articles that hopefully will bring hope to the children of tomorrow if not, fingers crossed, to those of today. I've just not had the energy to do any more but that is changing now! :)

David
My own situation with regard to seeing David has took a downturn after I turned to God, in the human face of David's Reverend for help with our situation and the hopeless way in which it was escalating beyond my control. This reaching out unfortunately did not succeed and I have not seen David since February 27th 2005.

I hope through these pages not only to create a lasting legacy for my own children and their children but also a way that David can gain insight to my life and still feel some sense of attachment that every growing child needs.

Court
I am representing myself through court. We still have a Court order whereby David and myself should still be seeing each other. I tried in vain to comply to this but each time the order was breached effectively separating me and David.

I could not take the heartbreak and anxiety that these situations brought and for my sake and for David's I have had to back off and let the order be breached with impunity. As I discussed with his headmaster the only comfort to this being that David should be happier as I take myself out of the orchestrated conflict blown up each time me and David wish to spend time together. Of course he would be more happier still if all the hostilities towards me and my relationship with David could be addressed. I hold out some hope that this will be the case and hope to see David again sooner rather than later.

Michelle
In February of 2005, a week before I last saw David, I met Michelle with whom I enjoyed a relationship up until August of this year. Michelle came out of nowhere. We met at Tiger Lounge and she met David the very same weekend. David got to see her paintings of Danger Mouse, Bugs Bunny and Hong Kong Fooe and Michelle had high hopes of seeing him again. It was not meant to be and although Michelle came with me to pick David up at school the next other weekend, contact was thrawted.

My reaching out to the Reverend through a personal letter had come to my ex-wife's attention, in fact she even had a copy of the letter and on that basis stopped all contact. Of course she is acting unlawfully, aided by her instructed solicitor's letters, but there is no recourse, even asking for penalties needs an application...

We were faced with having all our contact deleted. Michelle helped me deal with this threat. Many a night I wept uncontrollably as I thought of David and this hopeless situation. Many a night Michelle helped me get together my statements for the Court process that we are still engaged in.

The whole affair had a very damaging effect on me. All I was doing was reaching out for help for David and here I was not being allowed to see him by the very person who has finally admitted to hitting me, albeit remembering only the one time.

There were days when I could not cope. I would often break down and cry, fearful, distraught with nowhere to turn. Hopes that the Cafcass officer brought were quickly dashed, David even wanting to see his grandparents and my plea that at least this should happen so he should not be isolated falling on fallow ground.

The thought that no-one cared, not even his school responding to my letters, never ever having a response from his Reverend, Cafcass not even attempting to uphold the existing Court Order left me feeling desolate, isolated and excluded from the life of the one person I cared about above all others, David, my son.

Michelle, was a rock, a cosmic angel sent to help me. Throughout it all she has stayed by my side, a constant companion in my fight, when I have no fight left, against the injustices I now face. It is without doubt due to her strength and support that I have come through the worst of it and am now recovering so that I may try to win a conciliatory victory whereby David gets to spend time with both his birth parents.

Counselling
The results of being a victim of domestic violence never goes away, particularly if you are male and your children are used in the act of victimisation. There are precious little places to turn and it is only with time and reaching out that the few services that do exist come out of the woodwork.

One day, feeling I could take no more, I called Salford Witness Protection having been given there number by a lady through an email to someone a colleague knew at work... The man who answered my call was amazing and offered to come out and see me there and then. We spoke about the situation and he went away and researched the help.

He came back with several numbers but the one I call and the one that helped the most was St Helen's Women's Aid or more precisely MAPPs the Merseyside Abusive Partners Programme. Initially this started as a Male Perpetrator programme but it has expanded to help victims like myself and also helps Female Perpetrators too (although the press release I found on the Internet still perpetuates the stereotypical roles). An astounding step forward in this day and age where it is normal to ignore such people and their situations.

The help I have had has been unbelievably positive and I cannot recommend the service highly enough. I only hope that because of its success it is emulated throughout Women's Aid in a move towards a more humanistic rather than feministic outlook. Until that is the case we will continue to have a subclass of victim and a population unprotected children.

Guitar
With my recovery I have also redirected some of my energy into learning classical and lead guitar. I've been playing for fun for the last ten years or more so it's nice to be pulling together all that I've discovered with good technique, practice and theory.

I'll put some pieces up for your consumption as soon as I get some down on tape or more probably on mp3!

Yoga
Yes, it's started up again after the summer break. Exercise also helps alleviate the stress and tension obviously created but yoga can be useful to anyone. We all have stress in our lives and this low impact exercise gives you a work out from the inside out!

This is also an exercise you can enjoy with your kids and its a great way to help them loosen up, help them get to know their bodies and overcome stress and anxiety in their own lives.

There's a lovely DVD by Barbara Currie 'Fun Yoga For Kids' at Amazon.co.uk that could be useful to you, your children or any kids group you work at!

Happy as Larry
After completing my degree and achieving a First Class Honours, I started HaL in 1996 with a view to levelling the playing field for small businesses wishing to get onto the Internet. At the time we were all being told that a website could cost oo upwards of £3000! Erm, no, anyone can do it -- that's the point!

The end of 2004 saw the winding up of the service. The CSA were grossly overestimating my meagre income from the service which had taken a back seat following my success at moving into playwork at Kids United and from their administration and casual work with the kids at NCH. Coupling this with the fact that the less you see of your kids (no matter whether you want to or not) the more you have to pay the sad choice was made to end business.

I still do work for people but on a Free of Charge basis as I had built up a clientele of charity, education, small alternative therapy businesses and even a pensioner from American that I do not want to let down. I even fix her TV, take her to the shops and have dinner with her so Happy as Larry continues in spirit even if not in reality. :)

Car
Well the Sunny failed to pass its MOT earlier this year! My fantastic B Reg 1985 automobile no longer runs. Me and David had planned on his last visit to do a film about it and send it to Top Gear. David suggested that he could film the car coming over a hill with 'Daddy Cool' playing in the background only to be scratched out as the car came into view!! lol! We also planned to do drive pasts but where the camera would go faster than the the car! It was an excellent idea but one that we cannot now do. I'll have to get rid of the car to make space in the garage I'm afraid. :(

However, all is not lost as I have acquired a Citreon Picasso! It was David's car of choice and it certainly should help in transporting the kids at work and playwork to activities and the like! I thought also that it would be great for camping and particularly for David to invite his best mate along too! It came down to Glastonbury with me, a friend and her little boy. He loved it, especially the fold down seat with a place for him to do his Spiderman colouring and put his cup!